LonerI've pretty much always been a loner. I don't think it's something I chose, I just think through happenstance, I am a loner. I could get all psychotherapist on you, but it wouldn't do much good. But I did have an odd upbringing in that I spent every (and I mean every) weekend with my grandparents and every summer with them in South Tacoma. From as early as I can remember until I was at least 14 when my grandfather passed away. On Saturday mornings my mom would drop me off at my grandmother's or my grandfather's home and on Sunday afternoon my grandfather would take me home. We lived in University Place, my grandparents lived in South Tacoma. I really don't fully understand why this was protocol, but near as I can figure, my parents had an active social life and my grandparents were the built in Johnny sitters.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my grandparents and my parents. I just think I had an odd childhood. In the Summer, I literally spent every day with my grandparents. My mom worked at JC Penney at the Tacoma Mall part time. So during the summer, she would drop me at my grandfather's on the way to work and pick me up on the way home. Then it was back there for the weekend.
So I think when most kids are forming deep lasting relationships with childhood friends, I was playing solitaire or cribbage with my grandpa. Or mowing my aunt's lawn. Or going to Fred Meyer with my grandma. I have some very dear childhood friends. But they are very few and far between. I don't make friends easily now. I think mostly because I'm comfortable alone.
When I got laid off from Adobe in 2002, I went on a 12 day long road trip from here to Houston and back. I never got bored. I saw things I'd never seen before, the Grand Canyon, The Blue Man Group, the painted desert, Joshua Tree National Park, Roswell, the Johnson Space Center, etc. I connected with a couple people here and there but mostly for those whole 12 days I was alone. I could have gone to Florida to watch a space shuttle launch (now regret that I didn't) but Thanksgiving was coming and I was expected back for that. But I would have been perfectly happy spending another week or two on the road, just exploring. Alone.
I bought 4 tickets to the Seahawks game on Thursday for a birthday present to myself. But the funny thing is I don't know who to take beyond Teri. Teri has suggested a few people. But they're really Teri's friends. Not mine. So I probably have two extra tickets to the Seahawks game Thursday if anyone wants to come along.
I'm super comfortable alone. The odd dichotomy though is that I sell Real Estate for a living. That is not a loner job. I'm always required to be social. I don't know how I ended up here. I love my job and I'm good at it. It just seems weird for such a loner to be in such a social career.
My grandpa lived alone. He and my grandma had divorced before I was born. But they lived a block apart. I suspect I have a lot of his traits. Kind, gentle, good hearted. But in the end, he was a loner too. And? Seemingly OK with it. Well, we had each other I guess. Just two loners and a deck of cards. I do miss my grandpa. It's amazing to think at this point I've lived without him in my life twice as long as I lived with him in it. I still ask him for advice. I wonder if he's proud of his loner grandson.
Boundaries8:45PM - Will you bid 145 for me on that house?
8:00PM - Will you confirm when that bid is placed?
9:32PM - Are you placing a bid? If not just tell me so I can move on to something else.
I need to learn how to set boundaries. These three texts tonight confirmed that. I've been working with this person for about a year now. They've seen maybe 7 homes with me. In a year. I'm patient. I don't need someone to buy a home until they're comfortable. Today I had appointments from 4:30 to 8:30. This person e-mailed me about this particular listing at 3:30 today wondering when we could see it. I let them know that I had appointments until 8:30 this evening but would be happy to show them the home at 8:30 or even in the morning. Yes, it's a HUD home open for daily bidding, so there is the possibility it won't be available tomorrow. But I don't think it's reasonable to expect me to cancel a builder meeting, or a listing appointment, or another buyer appointment to show a home because now you want to see home number 8. (Sorry, venting) But I squeezed you in between my 4:30 and 6:00. I flew across the hill to get you into the home so I could fly back across the hill to arrive at my 6:00 at 6:02. I told you to text me by 8:30 if you were interested and I'd write the offer. I got home at 8:30, no text, so I had dinner. At 8:30. I relaxed. I watched some TV. (Million dollar listing, even my relaxation has a Real Estate theme) Now at 10:45 I realized that in the span of 47 minutes you're ready to move on to something else. Perfect.
What other profession do you deem it OK to call, text, whatever at 8:45 at night? I suppose if my doctor picked up his phone at 8:45 or my lawyer answered that text at 8:45 that might set a precedence. I've set that precedence. So tonight, I realize I need boundaries. I should be able to come home and relax. I shouldn't need to check my e-mail every 15 minutes to make sure I'm not missing something important. My voice mail even proudly proclaims "If you've reached this recording after 5PM, you can expect a phone call back tomorrow." But no one ever really expects that. Because I call them back at 6:05. I'm actually really looking to the new "Do Not Disturb" feature coming out in iOS 6 next month. Will I actually have the juevos to use it? We'll see.
I have an insatiable desire to please. I'm not sure where that comes from, but I pride myself on being 100% accessible to my clients. On vacation? No problem, I'll send that addendum right over to you. Out to dinner with friends, no problem, let me just grab that call. Boundaries. I need to set boundaries. There was an agent in our office when I started, Nancy Koth (Now Larsen), that never answered her phone after 5 or 6 in the evening. And never answered her phone on Sunday. And she was super successful. I never understood how she could do that. I never understood the boundaries that she set. I, now, TOTALLY get why she had them, I just never understood how she got away with them. I mean shouldn't real estate agents be available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Maybe not.
Nancy is no longer an agent, she's long since moved on to other things. I know how to get in touch with her however and maybe it's time for lunch. I know she'll precisely define the time and place for that meeting, so I won't have to think about much, just show up. She'll have perfectly defined the boundaries. I will however be all ears. And there on time. Even if it's after 5 or on Sunday. Because? I have no boundaries.
This too shall change.
1. a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action, particularly when accompanied by conviction of divine influence.
2. the vocation or profession in which one customarily engages
3. You have to see this for yourself: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/calling#
What's your calling? You've heard that before right? What were you born to do? What are you "called" to do? "Particularly when accompanied by conviction of divine influence". Think about it. What is it that you would be doing RIGHT NOW, if you could be doing anything at all in the world where money, obligation, pride had no influence in your life. What is your calling?
Divine influence. Maybe that's my problem, there hasn't been much of what one would call divinity in my life for a very long time. And really? Even when there was, I was a kid going through the motions because it's what was expected of me.
I do a lot of things because they're expected of me. Blogging tonight in fact. When push comes to shove, I'd probably rather not be putting this particualr blog post out to the world. But the question arose "Why aren't you blogging?" so tonight...I blog.
I've been watching a lot of "Million Dollar Listing" lately. I don't particularly go in for a lot of "reality TV". Oh sure I've had my bouts with American Idol, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Pawn Stars and Survivor, but I don't set the DVR to record them or anything crazy like that. But "Million Dollar Listing" intrigued me. It's about what I do. It's about Real Estate. It's about super cool real estate.
I love architecture, always have. I love the way two lines can converge at impossible angles to form an artful entry or grand staircase. I couldn't tell you tudor from a colonial (OK yeah I could, but I don't make a habit of it) something either looks right and good to me or it doesn't. My love of architecture turned into my love of visiting open houses that was masked by my "need to be closer to Seattle because this commute is killing me". After I was laid off, I had to admit, I just really liked Real Estate.
I chose this profession because I had a kick ass time buying my house. In fact, I don't remember much at all about buying my first house, other than I basically picked one, my agent led me through the process and handed me the keys. It seemed as simple as that. And that's the way I want my clients to feel too. Like that was so easy, I could do that. In fact, I'll give a shout out to "my" agent, Jeff Jensen at Windermere Professional Partners. He's still an agent and he's still damn good at what he does. Thanks Jeff, for everything, always. (more)
How Much Weight Have You Lost?Well,I guess I can say that P90X is doing something...already. It's been just over two weeks on the program and despite my failings in diet, I can tell that my body is changing. I keep feeling my arms and shoulders and actually impressed with what I find. But today, I had no fewer than three people either ask "How much weight have you lost?" or tell me "I can tell in your face that you're losing weight". Definitely a good feeling! It's odd, because really my answer is "about 7 pounds" which in the grand scheme of things is just over 2% of my body weight. But hey, I'll certainly take it. My focus cannot waiver however. I have a tendancy to rest on my laurels ... once people start telling me I look good, I figure "good enough" and I cannot let that happen this time. This time I need to press through. Knowing that I only have 11 pounds-ish to go to my low weight is very encouraging. I can't wait to see the 2 followed by a 7 on the scale. That may sound hideous to most of you, but I'm very excited to see it again!!!
Listen All Y'All It's A Sabotage....So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this f***ing thorn in my side
Oh my God, It's a Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all it's a sabotage
(RIP Adam Yauch) Sorry to steal some great Beastie Boys lyrics, but it's how I'm feeling about now. What does Sabotage have to do with John's Blog you might ask? Let's consider John's food journal for the day: Breakfast: Chicken Fried Steak with LOADS of gravy. Two eggs, large coke. "Lunch": Most of a large popcorn, Large (as in super huge) coke, lots of Peanut Butter M&M's. Dinner: 8oz Rib Eye steak, grilled, some cucumber salad and some tortellini followed by more M&M's. Now in between Lunch and Dinner, I DID go to the YMCA and hit the treadmill for a Runervals 2.0 workout. About 4 miles on the treadmill. But still, even if I burned 1,000 calories, that didn't even come close to negating breakfast, let alone the rest of the day's eating.
So if we look back on the week, I did P90X every day except Thursday. I bookended the P90X workouts with runs on Sunday and Sunday. GREAT job working out. Great job. At least 4 days, maybe even 5 days I had a Shakeology shake for breakfast. But the rest of it? Crap. Drive thrus, lots of Coke.
So what is it that has me self-sabotaging? This is definitely a pattern I'd love to destroy. Just utterly and completely rid myself of. It happens in lots of areas of my life. For example, I've been pushing really hard at work all year long. There is still a REALLY good chance that I could break all of my personal sales records this year. Number of transactions done, amount of commissions earned, highest sales price (already done), but as we swing into August I feel myself slowing down. Maybe not intentionally, but it's not entirely a function of the market either. I'm just not as hyper motivated as I was earlier in the year. Same thing with my health. I'm still hyper motivated in my workouts, and I can honestly seeing myself being so for awhile. BUT I reward myself for working out by pigging out. And I. Don't. Know. Why.
I've had a couple of business coaches over the year tell me I'm not afraid of failure, I'm afraid of success. Like I don't know what is on the other side of breaking those sales records, and I don't know what's on the other side of people actually seeing me as an inshape helathy man. I don't know what those things look like. I don't know how life would be different. Am I comfortable with who I am? I don't want to get into a deep philosophical or pshychological discussion here, but I'd really like to know what it's like to trust yourself to succeed beyond your wildest dreams.
Any suggestions? Thoughts? Success stories?
P90X Lean - Week 2 "Complete"
So I just got done with Kenpo X, which means that week 2 of P90X is complete. I'm proud of myself! I did skip Yoga this week, but mostly because by the time Yoga had come around I had worked out 10 or 11 days in a row and Yoga is an hour and 30 minutes long. Yes, just excuses, but they're mine and I'm holding on to them. Since Monday I've stayed in the 280's all week and if I can control my eating this weekend I think I can be 287 ish by the time I'm done with my workout on Monday morning. Unless something drastic happens, I doubt I'll be under 280 by my birthday. (By drastic I mean that I actually figure out how to eat properly and undo nearly 42 years of bad habits) But I really think under 285 - 283 is doable.
Tomorrow I'll head to the Y (or maybe test my hip on the roads) and do a treadmill run of 5-ish miles. Monday I've got a doctor's appointment and will get back on the ol' P90X horse then. Next week will be my last week of this routine. Then it's a "recovery" week (recovery=lots of yoga) and then on to a new routine for phase II.
I definitely feel stronger than I think I have in I don't know how long. After the Arms & Shoulders workout I walk around all day feeling my arms. Love that feeling!! (Hey, I've never really had any muscle definition so to think that I may actually get some out of this is pretty cool!)
Anyway, feeling good!