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I’ve been somewhat reluctant to post this on my blog, mostly knowing that it will be broadcast to my over 250 Facebook friends. While I count family members, friends and clients amongst my Facebook peeps, I wouldn’t say that Facebook represents my “core” support group. (Although many of the core are included as my FB friends too) I guess I’m going to start posting these, with the intent that started this blog. Maybe some of my struggles will benefit other people as well. So that being said, please read this blog post keeping that in mind. If you have negative comments, I’d certainly appreciate you keeping them to yourself, but any and all words of encouragement are certainly welcome. So without further aidu . . .

I’m fat.

I know that’s shocking to most of you, but I am now fat and for most of my life have been fat. I’ve come to learn that fat is not necessarily equated to out of shape (Unless you consider round out of shape). While being fat in High School, I earned my Varsity sweats on the Swim Team and ran a 5:55 mile. While being fat, I propelled my body over 11,000 feet on Mount Rainier. While being fat, I’ve run the Sound to Narrows (twice), completed multiple 50 mile bike rides and completed a sprint distance triathlon (with a top 10 finish in the swim). Fat does not necessarily = out of shape.

I’ve been on every fad diet in the world, and I’ve come to learn one thing. They ALL work. Atkins, Abs, South Beach and Weight Watchers all worked for me. But then when I went back to being me, all the weight came back with me.

Most people would describe me as happy, well put together and confident. In most areas of my life, I’d say you’re right on the money. But when it comes to my weight and body image, that’s far from the truth. While I can get in shape to do some of the things I want to do, eventually my weight gets in the way. While I rode 50 miles, I wanted to ride 200. While I did a Sprint Tri, I wanted to do a 1/2 Iron. So while I can make this big body do things that 90% of the population never even considered doing because they were too “hard”, I want more. And I’m tired of letting my weight stand in the way.

So on August 25th, I’m taking the biggest stand for ME in my life. On the 25th, at 0 dark 30, I’m going in for weight loss surgery. I’ve opted to have the Lap Band installed. I won’t go into details here what that is, but you can click the link to find out more if you’d like.

My new life starts next Tuesday however as I begin my 2 weeks prior to surgery. Starting Tuesday, I’m on a clear liquid diet that will last most of the next 6 weeks. That will transition into a “soft foods” diet for the three or so weeks following that, then I can eat normal food again.

I can’t even begin to tell you how freaked out I am right now. I’ve realized since I began this journey, I’m no less than a food addict. Everything in my life revolves around food. If I’m angry, upset, depressed, happy, etc. I eat. I eat to celebrate and I eat to sulk. I eat to be social and I eat to be anti-social.

On Monday of this week I went to my “Pre-surgery education and nutrition class” to learn about the diet I’ll be on immediately before and after the surgery and what my life will look like for the rest of my life. Now if I were able to just follow this “diet” on my own, I probably wouldn’t need the surgery. But I need the surgery to break me of my addiction to food. When I can no longer physically eat 5 slices of pizza, it’s going to be a good day. I know that surgery is merely a tool to get me to my ultimate goal. I know too that if I want to, I can cheat the tool and be huge for the rest of my life too.

This is a huge change for me. A change that I’m doing for me. A change that will ultimately make me healthier and by being healthier, the hope is happier. Right now I’m just asking for your support and best wishes. If I can have that, I can make it through this.

More to come . . .