The Freaking Out Has Begun . . .
So yesterday I met with Dr. Oh, the surgeon that will be performing my laproscopic adjustable gastric banding procedure. (The lap band) The purpose of the visit was to make sure I was following my liquid diet and that I was losing weight. Since I’ve been approved for surgery, I’ve lost nearly 20 pounds and expect to lose another 7 – 10 this week. (35 was the goal and I think I’ll get really close)
In addition to this, I had to sign a bunch of release forms, authorization to place the band, etc. Yesterday I think it REALLY REALLY hit me that this is happening. I’m completely freaked out. People keep giving me support on Facebook saying “Surgery isn’t that bad” and stuff like that. It’s not at all the surgery I’m freaked out about. I know I’m in the hands of one of the most capable surgeons for this procedure in the country, if not the world. I’m not at ALL freaked about the surgery. It’s the lifestyle change that has me freaked out.
Think of something you absoluetly LOVE to do. Like you would do this 3 or 4 times a day if you could and each time, you’d do a LOT of it because it was so refreshing, so comforting, so uplifting. Now imagine someone told you that NEVER again would you be able to do that thing with the amount of exuberance you were doing it now. It would NEVER be the same.
That’s what I’m freaking out about.
I have LOTS of GREAT memories surrounding food. I can remember times that the boyz and I would go somewhere for dinner and absolutely just gorge ourselves. Laughing, talking, the whole while stuffing our faces. Roll us out of there stuffed. (OK yes, there is a reason for a LONG time we called ourselves the phatboyz) Brandon and I would invite Mike over for dinner and we’d cook 3 of the biggest steaks you’d ever seen, along with a huge salad, loaf of french bread, Baked potatoes with the works. These are things that never again in my life will happen. OK, I know that I’ll likely adapt. I know that eventually I’ll figure out how to be social with two bites of food. It’s just right now I can’t see the forest through the trees and I’m freaking out.
This morning I took the smartcard in from my BiPap machine (my machine that helps with my sleep apnea) and the doctor was like “Umm, what happened this last week?” and I said “I’m having surgery next week and I’m freaking out and can’t sleep” . . . Yep, the freak out has begun . . . Surgery can’t get here fast enough for me.
At least after surgery, I’ll have good drugs and will sleep a lot.
Off to have a protein shake . . .
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. I love you.