Blog

I haven’t been writing much in my blog lately. I don’t really know why. But I suspect it has to do with not achieving my goals as fast as I would like. I’ve been trying to take comfort in the small victories, but at the same time I’ve conditioned myself over the years to be a “I want it right now” kind of guy. If I can’t have it now, then is it really worth having? But lately I’ve been trying to look at the big picture and see what it is that I REALLY want in life. I’ve come to the conclusion that many of the things I thought made me successful and who I am, really don’t matter that much to me. The big house, the fancy car, they’re just things. They don’t define me. The consideration I show others, the encouragement I give, the love I receive, those are the things that are important and what I want to be remembered for.

Lately, I’ve been stuck on my weight loss goals. Last August, I went in for Lap Band surgery and for the most part have been successful with it. The funny thing is that it still boils down to diet and exercise. The Lap Band is really just a forced diet. And like any diet, you can cheat. And I do. The idea is that with the band, you have it progressively tightened so that you eat slightly less. At some point it gets tight enough that you can still eat enough to sustain yourself (along with protein drinks and supplements) but not so much that you can gain any weight effectively. But you learn what goes down easy and what doesn’t. So you start eating more of what goes down easy. For me it’s well cooked pasta. Now will someone tell me where the pasta diet book is? Right, there isn’t one.

So for the past three or four months since I last had my band adjusted (I actually had it loosened because I wasn’t able to get much down) I’ve been enjoying eating. A Lot. But I’ve also been exercising. A fair amount. Fortunately over that time, according to my doctor’s scale, I actually LOST 0.7 pounds. So pretty much for the past 4 months, I’ve maintained my weight. If I gained 2-3 pounds, I worked out harder, when I lost the 2-3 pounds, I slacked off. I found a balance. For once. But the weight I was at, was not the weight I wanted to be. Yesterday I visited the doctor again and had my band adjusted. Tightened. I have at least another 60 pounds to lose and I’m hoping 30 of those are by my birthday (08/24 – Start making preparations!).

Also, while I did actually lose some weight, other changes were taking place as well. I bought my first item of clothing without a number in it in God only knows how long. I bought a Sounders jacket that is a size XL. Not 2XL or 3XL, but XL. I consistently wear jeans that are a size 38 and are loose. I’ve gotten size 36 shorts and pants on, but they’re not comfortable . . . yet. (I used to wear size 44). My dress shirts that I bought last year with a size 20 neck are ready to go to Good Will being replaced by my size 18.5 neck shirts. As of this morning, I’m only 7 pounds away from where I was when Teri and I started dating 13+ years ago.

Now I’m trying to celebrate the little things. That I actually LOST 0.7 pounds while pretty much eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted is a victory. My four months of debauchery really wasn’t debauchery at all. I knew I could be doing more in terms of watching what I ate and exercising more, but what I thought was debauchery was really “enough”. That’s a victory. I think I’m FINALLY starting to understand my body. And I’m starting to believe that it’s capable of a great many things. A few weeks ago, I went out and did a 50 mile bike ride, while I was spent the rest of the day, it felt good and I felt fine the next day. I’m actually making PLANS to work out and do some races. These are victories. I’m not going to be 220 by tomorrow. But I will be 220.

I know this is a somewhat disjointed post, but it’s where I’m at . . . and you know what? I’m OK with that.