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Band Adjust #2 – Not for the easily grossed out . . .

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I’m warning you right now, if you’re easily grossed out, move right along and don’t read this post. There won’t be anything you’ll enjoy here. I promise.

OK, so if you’re still reading, you’re a sick puppy. It means you like gross stuff. Because in all fairness, I did warn you above that this post would be gross and you kept on reading. So my sick puppy friends . . . here we go into a journey of gastrointestinal delight.

On Monday I had an appointment with Dr. Oh, the king of Bedside manner and Doctor/Patient relations. (wow, I really make myself giggle sometimes) The intent was to have my band adjusted, i.e. make it tighter so not as much stuff could get through. I posted earlier on how excited I was to get this done because it would mean I would be able to pig out less and hopefully be able to start dropping some serious LB’s! Let me tell you, my excitement quickly waned.

So I got into the exam room after finding out I had lost exactly 1/10th of one pound since my last visit (in all fairness, I did have my iPhone, Keys and wallet in my pants when I weighed in this time, so it was probably more like 4/5ths of a pound). After getting my BP and pulse taken, I waited for Dr. Oh. The man with a deft scalpel came in a short time later and we talked about life and lots of chit chat ensued. OK, none of that really happened, he came in and said “eat less” and “Get on the table”. He injected me with lidocaine and proceeded to put about another 2 cc’s of saline in my band. (About 6 total now I think) I was dismissed. In the waiting room they have a water machine and after your band adjustment before you can leave, you have to drink three dixie cups of water. Easy right? Took me 15 minutes to get those down. That should have been a BIG clue. But I’m Norwegian (read: stubborn) and didn’t really catch on.

By about 1PM I was pretty hungry as I hadn’t had anything to eat that day, nor had I had a protein shake. So I swung into Taco Bell. (OK, I know what you’re thinking . . . and I agree wholeheartedly, so no flaming me OK?) My thought was that the previous month, the easiest things to go down were things wrapped in tortillas . . . specifically Jack In the Box’s Chorizo burrito. (OK, flame on . . . ) So the plan was to have one ONE! meximelt. If you’ve never had a meximelt, it’s a small tortilla with some ground beef, some sauce, cheese, onion and tomato. The things are tiny and are $1.49. Can’t be more than 3 ounces of food in one.

So I pulled out of Taco Hell and proceeded to unwrap my meximelt. Driving through Fife, I took a bite, another and another. Chewing each bite until it was nearly water. After three or so bites, I could tell it wasn’t really going down. So I set the rest of the Meximelt aside. (only 1 or two bites remained) And I waited. I pounded on my stomach to try to force some food through. I burped. I swallowed saliva and burped some more. (You can see where this is going my sick puppy friends and yet you keep reading) Heading down Valley avenue, I knew what was going to happen next. Yep, threw up all over myself in my car. While it was only chewed food and saliva, it was still really gross and EXTREMELY embarassing. All over my shirt, my pants and the floor of my car. Even the napkin I had grabbed wasn’t enough. I went through four more napkins cleaning it up. Then I grabbed the Taco Hell bag and proceeded to throw up all the way home. For a solid 20 mintues, I continued to throw up. And I don’t like throwing up. I swear I threw up more than I had eaten. I even made myself sick by throwing up and eventually got to “Normal People” throwing up. It was (is) disgusting. And I’m sorry you had to read that, but you had plenty of warning, so I don’t feel that bad for you.

So I got home, stripped (you’re just a glutton for punishment aren’t you? Sorry for that visual!) and threw all my clothes in the washing machine and took a bath to relax.

Later that evening, I was helping a client move and after the move, I took everyone out for pizza. We went to Godfathers and had their “buffet”. I literally took one bite of mac & cheese, two bites of cottage cheese and a couple of bits of pineapple and chicken off a slice of pizza. Chewed everything as good as I could, but afterwards . . . I knew what was coming. I excused myself from the table and into the bathroom I went. At least this time, there was a toilet nearby. I repeated this action once more before leaving the restaurant.

Tuesday was an entirely liquid day. I only drank water and protein shakes all day. After Monday, who could blame me? Since then, I’ve gradually been introducing food back into my diet. I guess now after I get my band adjusted, I’ll heed the doctor’s advice and be on a liquid diet for two days following the adjustment. Monday was a horrible day. I don’t think I’ve thrown up that much in 10 years combined. I know it’s still going to happen from time to time as my band gets adjusted, but maybe from now on, I’ll be a little smarter about the two day liquid diet thing. 🙂

On the plus side (or minus depending on how you look at it) since Tuesday, I’ve been UNDER 300 pounds!!! Yesterday I tried on an XXL vest from Mountain Hardware at REI. Now keep in mind NOTHING from Mountain Hardware has EVER fit me in ANY size. But you know what? This one vest, fit just dandy!! Things like that make all the discomfort worthwhile! And one final thought . . . I know I need to break this emotional connection I have with food, I think the throwing up will certainly help with that! Once I associate food with BAD, the world will be a much happier place for me! 🙂

Thanks for hanging in there . . . we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog reading . . .

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  • Steve Bargelt | Nov 2, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    Awesome dude and yes I’m a sick puppy and yes I read the whole thing!

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