Listen All Y’All It’s A Sabotage….
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Listen All Y’All It’s A Sabotage….

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So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this f***ing thorn in my side
Oh my God, It’s a Mirage
I’m Tellin’ Y’all it’s a sabotage

(RIP Adam Yauch) Sorry to steal some great Beastie Boys lyrics, but it’s how I’m feeling about now. What does Sabotage have to do with John’s Blog you might ask? Let’s consider John’s food journal for the day: Breakfast: Chicken Fried Steak with LOADS of gravy. Two eggs, large coke. “Lunch”: Most of a large popcorn, Large (as in super huge) coke, lots of Peanut Butter M&M’s. Dinner: 8oz Rib Eye steak, grilled, some cucumber salad and some tortellini followed by more M&M’s. Now in between Lunch and Dinner, I DID go to the YMCA and hit the treadmill for a Runervals 2.0 workout. About 4 miles on the treadmill. But still, even if I burned 1,000 calories, that didn’t even come close to negating breakfast, let alone the rest of the day’s eating.

So if we look back on the week, I did P90X every day except Thursday. I bookended the P90X workouts with runs on Sunday and Sunday. GREAT job working out. Great job. At least 4 days, maybe even 5 days I had a Shakeology shake for breakfast. But the rest of it? Crap. Drive thrus, lots of Coke.

So what is it that has me self-sabotaging? This is definitely a pattern I’d love to destroy. Just utterly and completely rid myself of. It happens in lots of areas of my life. For example, I’ve been pushing really hard at work all year long. There is still a REALLY good chance that I could break all of my personal sales records this year. Number of transactions done, amount of commissions earned, highest sales price (already done), but as we swing into August I feel myself slowing down. Maybe not intentionally, but it’s not entirely a function of the market either. I’m just not as hyper motivated as I was earlier in the year. Same thing with my health. I’m still hyper motivated in my workouts, and I can honestly seeing myself being so for awhile. BUT I reward myself for working out by pigging out. And I. Don’t. Know. Why.

I’ve had a couple of business coaches over the year tell me I’m not afraid of failure, I’m afraid of success. Like I don’t know what is on the other side of breaking those sales records, and I don’t know what’s on the other side of people actually seeing me as an inshape helathy man. I don’t know what those things look like. I don’t know how life would be different. Am I comfortable with who I am? I don’t want to get into a deep philosophical or pshychological discussion here, but I’d really like to know what it’s like to trust yourself to succeed beyond your wildest dreams.

Any suggestions? Thoughts? Success stories?

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